Ah, true motherhood...

Okay so I think I'm really starting to live it. I think we've been spoiled by the initial NICU schedule and having Jose and my mom to help. Yesterday Jose had to work until 10pm at night - YUCK! So I think this might have been my first full day with Kayla completely alone. Sleep wise the last couple of nights have been really rough. My mom left on Saturday morning and that is the same day that Jose got sick. We wanted to keep Jose away from Kayla as much as possible so I went from lots of help to almost none - ah reality! It was torture last night getting us into bed - I only ay a few bites of soup. I think the thing that has saved me sleepwise is that no matter what was happening during the night, Jose or my mom was doing the morning feeding and entertaining her so I was getting a good chunk of sleep in the morning hours because I knew someone else was being responsible for her and I could really relax. Well - welcome sleep deprevation. In addition to my morning nap gone, she has also taken herself off of the three hour feeding schedule she was on at the NICU. Believe me, I love that we are almost totally breastfeeding now but now she only eats as much as she wants so she also eats when she wants :). We honestly thought she was getting on a nighttime routine because it seemed like she would eat around 10 or 11 and then sleep until 3 or 4, eat and then sleep until 7. It felt totally manageable. Well, now it is pretty much unpredictable. Plus, with the reflux, after she eats, she gurgles and coughs a bunch so I stay awake waiting to see if she'll go to sleep or need to be relaxed. She also wakes up and fusses when she isn't hungry so those are hard to figure out. To top off the sleep stuff, I'm having trouble falling back to sleep everytime I wake up - when you are low on sleep it SUCKS to hear your baby sleeping, husband sleeping, and dogs sleeping and you can't go to sleep! :)

I never thought burping the baby would be such and challenge. The cries just break my heart when she doesn't burp properly and you just feel silly when a huge burp comes out and she feels fine - you're like, we couldn't I have done that earlier! We've discovered one of her hidden talents - she is a champion spitter-upper! You can see from the pictures this morning that she did her most impressive one this morning. I was carrying her to her room to get a burp rag after feeding her and she launched 3 projectiles at my chest in a row! - see the mommy pictures above. She drenched both of us :) This was after yesterday when she projectiled out of her bouncy chair onto the floor and later, bubbled up about a 1/4 cup of cottage cheese.

I knew from friends that this would be a lot of work but man - I couldn't have imagined. It is so weird because you try to explain what you've done all day and it sounds like nothing but you are exhausted! So today, we aren't going to try and do anything except cuddle and sleep when we can!

With all this, let me say it is completely worth it! I can't stop giving her enough kisses. I love her face when she opens her eyes during a diaper change and looks around. I love her little cheerio mouth when she is looking at bright lights and the smile we only see when she is asleep. It breaks my heart to see her deal with the reflux and I just hope I'm comforting her some. It is absolutely the best feeling in the world to have her fall asleep on your chest and feel her tiny body in your hands. We certainly love this little one. It should make this transition to this new reality managable.... gotta go - she's crying ;)